What happens to a fat, OCD ridden, Filipino boy with a nun-like mom? He grows up with models, the search for fame and a Rolex watch with a history. DON’T CALL ME WALTER! marks actor Christian Moralde’s foray into the one-person show complete with a personal journey full of past celebrity encounters, biting humor and candid drama. This original one-person show, written and performed by Moralde launched it’s world premiere at the Meta Theatre on Melrose Avenue in Los Angeles on June 17, 2005.
The show will run approximately ninety minutes without intermission.
History of the Show
DON’T CALL ME WALTER! was conceived in 2001 in response to Moralde’s connection and exposure to the theatre scene on Broadway and conversations with his mentor (and show’s director) three time Emmy winner, Charles St. Clair. Over the course of three years, Moralde has cultivated his writing drawing from his upbringing and experiences. Under the guidance of the show’s producer, Emmy nominee, Dana Kenerson as well as assistance from his solo performance instructor, Stacie Chaiken, Moralde was able to workshop certain segments of his show at the Powerhouse Theatre in Santa Monica, California. These performances met with great appreciation from audience members and led to DON’T CALL ME WALTER’s world premiere in Los Angeles in 2005, Five years later, in 2010, Moralde brought the show for a limited engagement to his home state of Arizona . In 2014, DON’T CALL ME WALTER! received an invitation to take part in Solo Fest, the world’s largest solo performance festival, taking place in New York City. With Moralde’s off-Broadway premiere at the famous Theatre Row, DON’T CALL ME WALTER! played to a sold- out audience and was covered by the press worldwide.
An Excerpt from DON’T CALL ME WALTER!
One thing that I’ve longed for is to see my name “Christian Moralde” in the closing credits of a very large screen. I’ve seen it on T.V., but what I really want is to be engulfed by the enormity of the letters spelling out my name on a large theatre sized screen. I’m so sick and tired of reading the same old names on there. Let’s see some new ones. I brainstorm and decide to write a letter to the president of Sony Pictures.
Dear Sony Pictures President,
I am writing to you to appeal to the depths of your being (I learned those
words from Elizabeth Taylor’s 1993 Oscar speech) and urge you to allow my
name “Christian Moralde” to appear in the opening credits of your next big
film. I realize that you do not know me and because of that I am willing
to bargain with you. If you put my name in the opening credits, you do not
have to hire me to appear in the movie, BUT you will be able to gain about
64 additional audience members that will see the movie simply because my
name is in the opening credits. 64 people may not seem like a lot, but it
can mean the difference between first and second place for the weekend box
office. I appreciate your attention and look forward to your phone call.
Needless to say, I didn’t receive a response nor did I receive free tickets to a screening in my city. What I received was a big fat nothing! But you know what? I’ll show him… I’ll get my name on the big screen. I’m an actor and I won’t take anyone’s shit!
I think that it’s pretty amazing that I ended up acting. Growing-up with low-self esteem doesn’t really cater to one’s need to be in the public eye. I do think that with my new found freedom of fat (tongue twister) through mostly eating cherry tomatoes, lettuce, steam and carrots I have become “slightly” ever so narcissistic. Ironically, it’s said that the most narcissistic people out there, most of them actors, also have the lowest self-esteem. (RAISES HAND) I finally found a place where I belong! I finally found a place where it wouldn’t be unlikely for me to be perched on top of a float for a parade! A parade dedicated to actors with low self-esteem!
Just think about it, we could have a whole day like Earth Day or Gay Pride Day or Groundhog Day dedicated to just us! We can call it ASS DAY (which stands for Actors Self-esteem Sucks.)
The streets can be lined with booths offering extra work, liposuction, temp jobs and Scientology workshops. And, everywhere you go you would find flyer after flyer advertising for professional photo retouching. Every hour on the hour, there would be different classes and sessions all ending with the word “me.” Like a “validate me”, “Hit on me”, “don’t hit on me”, “hit on me”, or “my high-school reunion and me.”
And the day would culminate with each participant standing on stage for five minutes each, doing nothing. They would just stand there and the crowd would shout out accolades of compliments and cheers.
For we are one! We are actors! And we are born to be everyone, but ourselves.